Back in It

Getting up today was not as big of a struggle as it normally is. Granted we still did not get onto the trail until 30 minutes after we had planned but I was out of my tent before the first snooze alarm went off. Saying goodbye to P was not very fun but he promised to come visit us in Washington when he was healthy again. AH and I agreed that we were both lacking a ton of the motivation we had when we left Kennedy Meadows to go into the sierras the first time. Going back into something that you already experienced as cold, wet and dangerous is not exactly my favorite morning activity.

Sadly, the snow had not frozen overnight like it usually did so we did not have the early morning advantage. The snow was basically slush all day and it was incredibly draining. Before lunch I was managing decently but after lunch my tolerance for snow declined rapidly. I started having thoughts of wanting to go back to civilization where we had just spent almost three days or that I should have gone to L.A. with P and gone home early and come back to the trail when the snow had melted. I had already seen how fast the snow was melting. When we left the trail there was a sign at the top of Kearsarge Pass that was completely covered except for the top little bit, when we came back over the pass today, the entire sign was uncovered plus most of the pole it was on.

After lunch (which put a significant dent into the weight of my food) I got hit with a wave of anxiety. Questioning my decision to continue in the snow. I seem to have lost all confidence in my abilities to make it through to the next resupply point, let alone to Yosemite, my planned exit point for the wedding I am going to on the 24th.

Many panic attacks later we made it to a decent camping spot (still in the snow though). My anxiety is gone for the moment but I hope it will stay at bay tomorrow.